


Unlovable

by Lunamaru



Series: Catradora Song Fics [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Not Beta Read, One Shot, One Shot Collection, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra)'s A+ Parenting, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:15:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26928763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lunamaru/pseuds/Lunamaru
Summary: Am I so unlovable?Is my heart so unbreakable?Catra can only hold on for so long before the words permeate her skin.
Relationships: Adora & Catra & Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Series: Catradora Song Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1968799
Kudos: 59
Collections: Lunamaru's Catradora Songfics 👩🎤





	Unlovable

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: BECAUSE I wrote this in about an hour or two, there were mistakes my awake self noticed and fixed. Just added some things to make more sense.  
> PLEASE, make sure you read the tags for warnings about this fic!  
> This is the beginning of my Catradora one-shots/drabbles series for songs. Most will be more Catradora centric, but this particular one is definitely more Catra-centric.  
> This is also my first Catradora/She-Ra fic that I've finished and am posting lol If you like it, please leave kudos and comments! I am working on LOTS of Catradora stories and would love the encouragement and feedback from the fandom :)  
> Song: Unlovable by Darren Hayes (give it a listen if it's your type of music)  
> Thanks!

Fifteen years seems like long enough. Fifteen years of being alive in this place and Catra was ready to let all of this go. After all, to use her foster mom's words: 'she was unlovable'. No adult had looked at her with affection and pride like so many of her peers had growing up. Only Adora gave her love and she was gone now, enlisted in the Army and shipped out to training. She had promised that she would write, that she would call and get in touch with her as much as possible. But Catra was sitting, waiting a year later, now at age 17 (Adora was 18 now) with no hope in her.

The moon was bright in the dark sky, its soft glow tracing over the angry scars that ran over her arms and thighs. It only took a month without Adora for the pressure, hateful words and her spiraling mental state for her to try something drastic. She had never thought pain would be her escape, but she just couldn't keep all the bad feelings in her anymore. Instead, they dripped impressively down her body, staining her hands and legs until she washed them away. Then they swirled down the drain, out and away from her.

Ms. Weaver did not relent however. After finding out that Catra and Adora had kissed before the blond had left a few months after the fact, she laid into her even more.

“You're disgusting! Infecting Adora with your homo feelings and the poor child had to escape from here-from you!- so as to not make it worse! If she wasn't so considerate and kind, she would have said that to your face! She left because of you, you filthy, dirty abomination!” Ms. Weaver was screaming at a cowering Catra, the girl's hands up and trying to protect herself against the onslaught of abuse. It had been like this before-Ms. Weaver would berate her, leave her barely functioning, but Adora always saved her. Now without her knight, Catra was collapsing under the full weight of the woman's hatred and scorn.

But at the time, the teenager held on to hope that Adora would call-write-give her a sign as she buckled and stumbled under her own tormenting thoughts.

“I don't deserve Adora's attention. I-I am so ugly, so dirty-” Tears splashed on the pages of her forgotten book, her eyes red from all the crying she had done. Growing up, the other kids taunted her about how her parents didn't love her-that they abandoned her because she was unlovable. And Ms. Weaver only cemented that fact by neglecting her, torturing her and emotionally abusing her.

But now, a year from the day they had shared a passionate, desperate kiss under the stars, numbness took over everything, emptiness filling all the space in her and pushing out everything else. Hetero-chromatic eyes glistened with the last of the tears as she gazed at the stars, wondering if Adora was looking up at the same sky.

The phone ringing brought all thoughts to a standstill as Catra turned her attention to the door of her bedroom, dragging her feet to it and slipping out.

“Weave residence- ah-ah-hello... dear,” Ms. Weaver gave Catra's entrance a glare that should have made the teen flinch, but she gazed blankly back. Dear? There weren't that many people Weaver would have said that to.

“All is good, yes. No, I have not. You know I would have told you anything if I knew,” Something wasn't right, Catra understood suddenly as she watched Weaver shift uncomfortably. The other person went quiet before whatever they said next made the foster mom startle, her eyes impossibly wide.

“N-now, dear, that is unnecessary! There's nothing you can do- it was her choice and really, you are better off-” There was yelling from the phone now that made Catra also jump a bit before Weaver got angry. “She is a bad influence on you. She was not worthy of your time- just a distraction.” Everything in Catra shattered into even more pieces, the illusion of emptiness falling away as she felt again in a rush of understanding. Weaver was so absorbed in arguing with the person on the other end that she had momentarily forgotten Catra was still there. She sighed as she hung up the phone, her eyes widening for a split second as the teen appeared in front of her with a furrowed brow.

“Who was that...?” Catra asked slowly, watching as Weaver tried to find an answer before she went on. “Sounded like you were talking about... me.” Weaver snorted, her anger palpable as she turned her full attention to Catra.

“None of your business, you ungrateful child.” Was all she was able to get out before Catra was surging forward and into her face, all the pain, anguish and fury plainly written in her pained eyes.

“No-no more! You don't get to tell me that I'm 'ungrateful' when I have tried my whole life to please you-to get your fucking approval-to find some love from you. But no! Everything I did and do is wrong!” Her arms were shaking as she seethed for a moment as the words formed in her chaotic mind.

“ _Cynical, jaded, faithless, disappointed, disillusioned, used._

_If I could take back all my sweat, my tears, ~~my sex~~ , my joy I would_

_My time, my love, my effort, passion, dedication  
_

_In case of mistaken identity I gave these things to you  
_

_If I sound angry, bitter, sad, i ~~nfatuated~~ , it's the truth  
_

_Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, just a few  
_

_Stages of acceptance that it's really over  
_

_It's just so complicated and I'm stupid for believing in you.”_

The older woman was trying to get a word in, her eyes stormy as she raised her fist, but Catra jammed a finger into her chest, effectively silencing her and making her step back.

“Do I remind you of a part of you that you despise?” Weaver's eyes went wide for a second too long, confirming Catra's chuckle low and cracking.

“You are a horrible person. Was a child so much of a threat to you that you had to hurt me every step of my life?! You made me want to die for SO LONG!” the teenager was shrieking by the end, tears unnoticed on her cheeks as she slid her sweater sleeves up to show her the scars. The woman barely gave her arms a glance.

“Just because you're unlovable doesn't mean you-you had to make me that way too!” Catra spat with a hiss, not noticing when the front door opened until arms were sliding around her and pulling her back.

“Catra,” fire swept through Catra as she turned to look at her blond knight, shocked to see those blue eyes filled with tears. They properly hugged, Catra shaking as she really felt her crush-best friend-whatever against her, there.

“Adora-” Weaver began with her self-importance, though said girl only turned a glare her way over Catra's shoulder.

“No- whatever BULLSHIT you want to spout- I don't want to fucking hear it! You lied to me! You hurt Catra-so much-so well hidden that I-I never- not until you said 'unlovable'. I made Catra stop using that word long ago and I should have known that it had come from _**you....**_ ” Adora was shaking in Catra's arms, her teeth bared as the smaller teen fought herself to either let her bff probably punch Weaver's lights out or stop her. She reluctantly did the latter, turning around to face their foster guardian. She needed to say this before she lost her nerve.

“You made me feel... untouchable, unkissable, undesirable for so long that I nearly bought it. But I have something you don't.” Catra felt her world returning in bright colors as she faced Adora with a wide, soft smile. Their eyes met and the blond grinned widely back before yelping in surprise as their lips met. They melted into the kiss, the love that Catra had thought she had lost was now pouring in and through her.

“GET! OUT!” Weaver yelled, her voice breaking as she sneered at them in disgust. Catra chuckled, happiness finally blossoming in her chest for the first time in a year.

“With pleasure. After we get Catra's stuff. Don't think you can try to wreck this further, either. You've been reported,” Adora protectively curled an arm around her childhood friend as she led them upstairs and to Catra's room. Weaver's yells followed them, but Catra did not care. Looking up at her blond knight in her army fatigues and ruffled white shirt, Catra finally felt truly loved.

**Author's Note:**

> If this fic sounds chaotic and all over the place, that IS intentional lol I wanted to really give Catra the sense of the song and her feelings.  
> Thank you all for reading and kudos! Comments and kudos are most appreciated!  
> Til my next fic,  
> Lunamaru


End file.
